You left me laying on a table, vacuuming my insides. My husband, my child taken away. Without a word of comfort. Without a word of care. Without telling me when I could see them again. Without explaining what was going on. I lay there in terror and confusion and sadness while you discussed The Bachelor. While you went about your job, my life was falling apart. You pulled my baby out of me and took her away. I had not seen my daughter’s feet. Her hands, her stomach, her head, her toes. You left me alone. Cold. Surrounded by strangers. My life taken away from me.

Why was I not given the chance to hold her for more than 30 seconds? Why couldn’t you give me a moment with my daughter? Without the eyes of strangers, hovering to drag her away. A moment to take it in. A moment to breathe her in. To love her. Why did she need to be wrapped up in blankets? Why couldn’t I see her hands and feet? I made those hands and feet. I grew them. They belonged to me and you took them away without me seeing them. With no explanation. She had a perfect score, she was fine. Yet you took her away. No explanation. No word. You just took her and left me there.

Why was that taken away from me? I cannot ever get that back. It cannot ever be replaced. You stole my right as a mother.

 

You treated me like a patient. Like a number. Like I didn’t even exist. In your book of growing notes, you wrote down that I was crying, that I was anxious, that I was upset. Yet what did you do to calm my nerves? To dry my tears? To help me sleep? You questioned my ability to mother my own baby, yet you had not given me time to actually hold her, to comfort her, to get to know her. You took that away from me and expected me to just carry on. To smile and be grateful.

You made me feel like I was an idiot. Like I was an intruder who was making your job harder. Like I was an inconvenience. The looks you gave me questioned…Why couldn’t I be happy like all the other mums? Why couldn’t I just enjoy the experience of being mum? Why couldn’t I be grateful that my baby was ok?

You made the happiest moment of my life in to the most traumatic. In to pain. Terror and sadness. You could have shown love but you left me alone. You did not understand.

You were not there.

You left me invisible.